emi

November 26, 2023

Chloe: So, could you describe your culture or where your family, grandparents are from?

Emi: My paternal grandparents are from Japan, but I don't know which region exactly, only that they are from rural Japan. My maternal grandmother is from Tokyo I believe, and my maternal grandfather is from Taiwan.

Chloe: Oh, we share that Taiwanese aspect of our identities! So, in what ways do you feel close to your heritage? How so?

Emi: I feel close to my heritage in that I look like I am Japanese, Taiwanese, East Asian, etc. It provides a sense of belonging with people of similar ethnic backgrounds. I also feel close to my heritage because my family speaks Japanese, so I am able to hear it occasionally in my daily life. That being said, I do not speak Japanese myself, so it does create some feeling of separation as well. I'm also not very knowledgeable on either Japanese or Taiwanese culture because I have grown up in America without much Asian influence on my daily life. My family also participates in some Japanese New Years traditions, though. 

Chloe: And would you say that that is the extent to which it's a part of your life?

Emi: Yes. While I don’t speak the language of heritage, I would like to add that my inability to do so has made me feel considerably separated from my culture and from people who are also from Taiwan or Japan.

Chloe: I see. So considering that, do you tend to associate with your culture often or prefer to stay separate?

Emi: I like to associate with my Japanese culture whenever I can, as I do feel as if it is a prominent part of my identity, even if it is a very surface level connection. In a place like America where there are many different people from all around the world, I feel like, in my personal experience, even looking like where your family is from causes you to have a close connection to your background. This is amplified by my experience growing up in white-dominated social spheres. That being said, I would not go so far as to say that I am incredibly Japanese, because in all seriousness, I’m not. I’m very American, so I guess I’m Japanese-American. I both like and dislike this title though because I feel like it makes people expect that I have some sort of knowledge on Japanese culture or lifestyle, when I really don’t. So I feel like this title is a very fluid type of cultural heritage. In terms of media, however, I am always very open to consuming any type of Japanese media that I think I might enjoy.

Chloe: Are there aspects through which you don't feel like you are super close to your culture? Could you describe them?

Emi: I would say that I am very clueless when it comes to Japanese societal and cultural norms, and any type of media that includes needing to know that language. Because I can’t communicate with actual Japanese people, I also feel very distant from them, so I don’t actually know what they are or could be like. 

Chloe: So overall, what do you feel has kept you from building a closer relationship with your culture? Perhaps things like language, residence, peers, media?

Emi: I definitely think that all the things you listed play a huge role in the distance that I feel from my culture. And I just wanna clarify that I have never really experienced any Taiwanese culture, so when I talk about “my culture”, I mean Japanese culture. Of course, the role that language can play is quite obvious, but also the neighborhoods that I have lived in have never had high Asian populations, nevertheless Japanese populations. Furthermore, the fact that Japanese influences in the media are either seen as “cute” or “cringey” used to make me feel slightly embarrassed to be Japanese or to indulge in that type of thing. Now, however, it makes me feel pretty defensive of any Japanese influence in the media, and it makes me nervous about fetishization and other things. Similar things happened amongst my peers or in popular opinion where Japan is seen as futuristic and kawaii and that type of thing or its seen as a place that only anime obsessed nerds wanna go to. But again, I think this is heavily influenced by where I live.

Chloe: I definitely understand that feeling, I definitely relate. With the recent impact of COVID, would you say that it impacted your relationship with your heritage in any way?

Emi: COVID allowed me more time to consume media from Japan. However, it also stopped me from traveling, not only to see my family but to visit Japan itself. That being said, I think that COVID provided me with a lot of time to assess what I’m really interested in, and that happened to be some bits of East Asian media, so I am very grateful for that. 

Chloe: Wow, that's definitely an amazing upside. And with COVID came a lot of recent social movements like StopAsianHate. Asians have been able to be represented a little more in media, both on screens and on the news. Have these representations or advocacy programs also affected your relationship?

Emi: Yes, 100%. I think that these types of movements have allowed me to feel a little more validated in my Asian American experience no matter how “white-washed” I might be. While I haven’t really experienced any physical or mental abuse because of my race or ethnicity, these types of movements have encouraged me to be more confident in my identity. The StopAsianHate movement exposed me to other Asian American experiences that have been so incredibly different from my own, and it forced me to not only realize my privilege but to think about what I could do with it and what I could try to do to help with the things that are in my control. While I do acknowledge that the issues surrounding this is related to my Japanese heritage, I think that this is a part of the culture of simply being Asian American.

Chloe: Yes, I totally agree. I think that's such an insightful thought. Despite our focus on some aspects that are a bit more on the negative side, I have a question that's more on the positive side. Could you describe an experience that you’ve really cherished in relation to your cultural identity?

Emi: I really enjoyed visiting a Japanese temple and Asakusa, a Shinto shrine, earlier this summer because it made me feel much more connected to my culture. I was able to do some of the religious practices within the temple and it was a very new and interesting experience for me. Again, growing up in a white, and very Christian and Catholic environment made me somewhat take on those religious values or assume that I should follow those values as well, despite not really believing in them myself. I remember always asking my parents what religion we were or if we believed in any because it was truly so incredibly confusing going to a religious school so young yet not having any connection between that religious space and my otherwise atheist home. While I still don’t identify with any particular religion, being able to visit and participate in traditions in that temple allowed me to see both what could’ve been and what could be in regards to my beliefs.

Chloe: The religion aspect is so true, I've definitely had the same thought process. But wow, visiting sounds so cool! So one final thing: I am currently planning to share Asian American stories regarding their relationships with their racial and cultural identities. What else do you feel would be crucial to share with social media users, mainly teens and young adults, who might be having a hard time navigating their own backgrounds?

Emi: I think providing large amounts of validation for every individual’s personal experience with their cultural and racial identities is incredibly important. Because, even for myself, sometimes I don’t feel worthy of the title Japanese-American or even being called Japanese. Especially since attending an Asian dominated school, I feel very white-washed and it makes me more insecure about my cultural and racial background. So I would highlight the fact that you don’t need to be “Japanese enough” or “whatever enough” in order to be considered a member of your heritage.