johan domingo

August 3, 2023

My name is Jo, Johan Domingo, and I am 16 years old. I was born in New York and am currently residing on the Upper East Side with my mom, stepdad, and two dogs, Beme and Carcar. I did spend my Pre-K years in the Philippines, where my biological dad lives, until going back to New York to start first grade.

I would say that I feel somewhat close to my heritage, but definitely not as much as I would like to be. I feel like there’s no tradition that is specifically Filipino (when I think of traditions, I think of holidays), so, for example, it’s really just about how we celebrate it, like Christmas is a whole ordeal for Filipinos. It’s a three month celebration. My family does not do that, but there’s that.

When it comes to my daily life, my mom loves watching Filipino dramas. We have a little TV room right outside of my bedroom, so I would hear the Filipino dramas on full blast constantly. Whenever my nanny, who is also Filipino, comes over to clean the house, my mom and her are always talking in Tagalog. I also hear my mom on the phone very often talking to her college friends and her siblings and relatives in Tagalog. Speaking of Tagalog, being raised in the Philippines for a good chunk of my life, I did know Tagalog, and I was very much fluent. My sister once told me that I would understand English, someone would talk to me in English, but I’d still reply in Tagalog, which I thought was kind of funny. Now, I still know little simple sentences, like if I really listen and pay attention to what my mom is saying, I would know two, three words in her sentence, then assume what the conversation was about with those words. I’m definitely a little bummed out that I’m not as fluent as I was when I was younger. I’d always kind of been a little bitter towards my mom about it, but I know that, in immigrating to America, you just make a lot of sacrifices. It wasn't purposeful on her part to have me forget Tagalog. It wasn't like I was strictly forbidden to speak Tagalog, it was more like I wasn't in an environment where I was being actively reminded of my Tagalog, so it slowly faded away. She only wanted the best for me; we literally came back to New York to start first grade because she wanted a good education for me, so I am very understanding of my mom. But it also definitely makes me more self-conscious and upset when with relatives. When I even try to speak Tagalog because I have sort of an American accent. I feel pretty isolated because they talk in Tagalog and I don’t really know what they’re saying, so it’s awkward. After, they’re like, oh, we were talking about blah, blah, blah. I’m pretty close with my family, but it would definitely make me feel much more closer to them if I knew Tagalog.

Other than that, I very much associate with my culture. In middle school, I was very adamant that I was Filipino, and it was kind of my whole personality. I was honestly kind of self-conscious at first about it because I was like, I’m making being Filipino my whole personality, and I bet it’s so annoying for people to hear me talk about being Filipino all the time. But now, looking back at that, I’m like, dude, it’s not a bad thing to be proud of your culture and your heritage. It’s not like I’m necessarily making it my whole personality, and it’s not annoying because it’s just me. It’s just a part of me. Things that I think have kept me from building a close relationship to my culture. Well, like I said, language and the lack of trying to preserve that part of me growing up, residence because I live on the Upper East Side. Like Queens is very much predominantly Filipino, that is a hub of Filipinos, so if I lived that I would definitely be much more close to my relationship with my culture. Also, I don’t have a lot of Filipino friends, like barely, basically, coming from a predominately white school. But I know there’s, like, two Filipinos in freshman year, and I hold them very dearly to my heart. Whenever I meet a Filipino who’s at Sacred Heart, I am immediately very excited to meet them and I automatically have that connection with them because we share the same culture. You’ve got to stick together, you know!

COVID didn’t really affect me that much because I don’t look like a stereotypical Asian. I do know that during COVID was pretty much the height of Asian hate crimes because there was that "rumor" that COVID started from China, so people took their anger out on people who look remotely Asian. But I don’t really think it has affected me because one, I didn’t really go out that much, and two, I don’t look like a stereotypical Asian. I would say I think Filipinos get very much mistaken for Mexican or Latinx or Hispanic communities.

When Olivia Rodrigo came out with her album, Sour, and I found out that she was Filipino, for me, that was huge. It really put Filipinos in the spotlight, especially in Western culture because “drivers license” was a huge song for everyone. It went viral on Tiktok and whatever! Before her, there was definitely, like, Lea Salonga, Bruno Mars, H.E.R., Bretman Rock, who’s Filipino and a famous influencer. There’s this Filipino-American comedian that my family follows; personally, I heavily relate to him because he’s Filipino-American, and I’m Filipino-American, his biological dad is white, my stepdad is white, his mother is Filipino, my mother is Filipino, so there’s that aspect. Growing up with a white dad, or just a white parent, is definitely an experience–not a bad one. But it was definitely heartfelt and very relatable when Jo Koy would talk about stories, like interactions with his white dad. He actually came out with this biography called Mixed Plate, and it talked a lot more about that. He also came out with a movie called Easter Sunday, which was finally a mainstream movie in Western media/culture that was focused on a Filipino family.

Going back to COVID, in eighth grade, I was very passionate about Asian hate, that topic, and xenophobia in general. I was very vocal about it, and I had the opportunity to compose a speech or two to present to my middle school, which I appreciated, and I felt very heard. Or at least, I was happy that I got that platform to really just talk about my strong feelings towards what was happening, and it was very emotional for me.

My ethnicity very much affected who I am and my interactions with people. I had this really weird thing in COVID where, because I didn’t experience direct racism, for some reason, that made me think that I wasn't valid enough. Like, even though I was Asian, I wasn’t valid enough to talk about this topic because I felt like there were these supposed requirements to be able to talk about it. But you can still be very passionate about it even if you didn’t experience direct racism yourself. But actually, really looking back and thinking about it, I remember in elementary school, I had a group of friends who were white, and in recess we were playing princess/queen. I said, "Oh can I be a princess?", and they said, "No, I’m already the princess and she’s already the queen. You can be the peasant because, you know, you’re different from us." When I first heard that, that kind of went over my head. I was like, okay! But looking back at it now, that was really messed up. Even though it happened a long time ago, I think about that moment and think, what else happened when I was little that kind of just went over my head? There definitely are experiences that I’m not remembering, but maybe that’s for the better because if it was a harmful experience I wouldn’t want to-like, even already remembering that whole instance of being called a peasant because I looked different from them, that was enough for me. That was crazy.

On the brighter side, I remember going to a forensics tournament at Regis, and there’s this guy I met, whose name is Matthew, and he’s Filipino, but I didn't really know that at first. Me, him, and some other forensics kids are all walking as a group down the hall, and he just stops in the middle of the hallway, so we stop. He turns to his right and he points at this artwork on the wall and he says, “This is my favorite artwork out of the whole school.” I didn’t notice it at first until he pointed it out. There was cursive on the bottom that read, “kumusta ka”, which means ‘how are you’ in Tagalog. I asked, "You’re Filipino, too?" That just ignited this insane mutual excitement, and we started talking about-he said, "Okay, important question: how often do you go to Jollibee?" and all of these other things. It was just so amazing to have this instant connection and being really excited to meet a person who looks like you and has experienced the same things as you. And the rest of the group who were not Filipino, they were just standing there a little awkwardly. One of them, as a joke, was like, yeah, I totally know what you guys were talking about. But it was very wholesome to meet Matt and have that experience together. In Filipino culture, there is a very big sense of community, so there was that instant bond. Especially being in a foreign country, you obviously want to stick together and find your community in a foreign place. In lower school, when my nanny was babysitting me, she would wait outside to pick me up. She would always be in this little group with other Filipino babysitters who were babysitting a kid at my school all bundled together, talking, and automatically connecting because they shared that heritage. I just remembered that in Jo Koy’s biography, Mixed Plate, he literally talked about this memory he had with his mother, who would basically just go around, coming up to complete strangers on the street and start speaking to them in Tagalog and say, "Are you Filipino?" Just to anyone who looked remotely Filipino, which I totally get. For me, whenever I immediately see a tan person, I think, are they Filipino?? She would come up to complete strangers just to find that community. I mean, that’s insane. But then they finally found this church with other Filipinos, and that was amazing for them.

In my last history class today, we talked about cultural globalization and the negative and positive effects of it, and we started touching on K-pop, and how that has influenced our society. I was talking about how it’s great to see BTS and BLACKPINK on the top of some of the biggest charts for Western music in America, and even in the world. K-pop is a huge thing. But as much as I love putting that representation out there, when it comes to the fandom, they are prone to perpetuating this stereotype that Asians have to look a certain way because all they see are K-pop idols. But there’s literally a system, an agency, where they make K-pop idols, and they narrow it down by how pale you are and other beauty standards. So they’re perpetuating that thing that Asians have to look this way, and if they don’t look like this, they’re not Asian. beabadoobee is a Filipino singer who's very big on the musical map, which I’m very happy about. She’s very proud of her culture; one of her recent music videos was filmed in the Philippines, and there’s a scene where she blesses her Lolo, which was so wholesome, and she posted a picture with the Jollibee mascot on her Instagram. Recently, she was accused of blackfishing, and that made me so furious. She has dark skin. Not all Asians have pale skin. Filipinos have a wide color range. We are very much dark skin people, brown skin people, and that doesn’t make us any less Asian. So it made me furious that people were saying, "beabadoobee is blackfishing", when that really is just her skin color. What’s wrong with that? Also, she just came back from the Philippines and Filipinos get easily tan very quickly. But by saying she was blackfishing, I feel that people are perpetuating that stereotype that Asians have to look a certain way, which isn't helpful with the already existing Asian beauty standards. I remember going to the Philippines recently, right before COVID, and I saw a lot of skin bleaching products that were very in my face. That made me really self-conscious about my skin and how I look. It was just insane to see so many skin bleaching products be advertised in the Philippines and everywhere in Asia because of that beauty standard where you need to have Western features and you need to be pale. There’s this whole class belief where the paler you are, the more wealthy you seem because having dark skin means that you’ve been working out in the sun too long, which makes you less wealthy. Also, there’s tapes that people invented so monolids can turn into double eyelids. There’s double eyelid surgeries. There’s just a bunch of these things that are kind of sad to see. Skin bleaching was already a cultural thing in Asia, but then adding on Western beauty standards is just crazy and very much harmful. It was harmful to me when I went to the Philippines and I saw all these skin bleaching products and I was like, wow.

Don’t let anyone make fun of you, like, oh, you’re so whitewashed! That’s not a bad thing! And the same thing with being very into your culture, that’s perfectly fine too. Don’t feel like either are bad things. They’re both very much valid. “I remember someone saying, ‘oh, Johan’s a little too proud to be Filipino’. It was kind of baffling because that came from a fellow Asian person. To have that comment come from a POC, an Asian, made me think: what’s so bad about being in touch with your culture? What do you mean, ‘too proud’? As if that has a negative connotation? Hearing that comment took me back to when I was in Middle School in Sacred Heart and I thought, I know, I make being Filipino my whole personality, but it’s just me. And I’m proud of it. What’s so bad about that? There’s no such thing as being ‘too proud’.

Image of Regis High School included in post via Joe Shlabotnik, Flickr